Misunderstood.

I wrote an article a few months ago for “Achieve,” and apparently, people are not agreeing with my decision to stiff-arm the “gay” title, when it made it’s way to TheBody.com, everyone went in a frenzy to see who could respond fastest… I even got myself featured on a SonofBaldwinBlog. Maybe I started it a little abrasive, but I agree with what I said, I mean, I did write it, lol. 

I can’t claim to be something I was raised to hate. I’m just me, and I do what makes me feel good. Besides, my folks raised me as a Christian and they would be really disappointed in me if I didn’t live my life in the same steps that they were raised. So I’m not gay, even though I have sex with guys. And no, I’m not in denial. There are just some things about the lifestyle that I don’t do. I don’t club, I don’t go to the Village, I don’t do that Ball stuff, I don’t geek over Beyoncé, I just live my life — I do what I want to do.

There’s such a negative stigma that comes along with identifying yourself as gay. I don’t like feeling like I have to participate in a certain set of actions because of who I sleep with. It’s the same thing as identifying yourself as black or white or Baptist. There’s a set of standards that people automatically are gonna put in your face — that this is what you do because this is who you are. There are so many things that come with the gay stigma that I just don’t want to be a part of.

Let me get this out there first. I never did, nor will I ever hate myself, or anyone else, period. My parents will never condone with a homosexual lifestyle and I know that, so maybe “hate” is too harsh of a word. I don’t point fingers, nor do I cast stones because of the choices you make. Besides, there is NOTHING wrong with the decisions you make to label yourself - or not to.

Secondly, I am homosexual, and I’m 100% fine with that. I’ve learned that my life is mine to live and no one else can do it for me. Now my decision to not consider myself “gay” as opposed to homosexual are two, completely, different things. But after the backlash of this article, can you blame me? I will say again, I am not in denial. I know what I am, and I know what I love. But there are too many people… “gay” people out there who read this article and immediately zoned in on the first two paragraphs of the article and COMPLETELY IGNORED the point of it. Maybe, I’m the wrong one for associating being “gay” with the above mentioned, but how am I wrong for having - and valuing - my own opinion? This article was never  about a young African American man and his need for acceptance in a hetero-supremacist society - because I am not searching for that. But the first thing the readers from the “gay community” did, who preaches to others, “we want to be loved and we wanted to be treated equally,” cast stones, called names and judged me. How the hell am I supposed to turn around and say. “Ok, I’m gay” when you’re foaming at the mouth to call me all types of derogatory things. Forgive me if I call you biased and radical in the same sense that you do, when you point fingers at those who oppose and suppress you.

So to Daniel from New Zealand who wrote:

Being gay is NOT a lifestyle, Joseph. Nobody can CHOOSE being gay. Being gay is “in your bones”.

Being homosexual is not a choice and nowhere in my article did I ever state such a thing. But you can choose to hand-cuff yourself to a title or label under gay, which is a lifestyle… and that’s something that I choose to not do.

To Mary from South Africa who wrote:

Joseph, u seem like u don’t respect urself, I feel pity 4 the men u sleep with coz obviously u think they r dirty. Grow up

On the contrary, you’re under the impression that I’m ashamed - but that’s not the case. Like I said, my decision to refrain from labeling myself isn’t the same as hating or judging. Stop superimposing ideals into what you think I am claiming.

And to Kenk8 from Florida who wrote:

What’s next?… An article entitled “I have HIV, but I’m NOT Positive”? Please— spare us from any more of these pointless articles splitting semantics!

…Dude… seriously?

So to the 20some-odd people who practically came on themselves to write me about how I am in denial, and I’m the worst kind of gay, and said I was a disgrace, PLEASE understand and pat yourself on the back for continuing to perpetuate a mindset in our African American community. Not only did you make me even more secure in the ideal that I do not want to consider myself gay; but you, again, ignored the importance of this article in that it’s talking about HIV prevention.

So with that, again, I’d like to thank Mark and Robert of Achieve for attempting to show a side of the “gay” spectrum that not everyone agrees with. Achieve has attempted to open its doors to a group of people (because I am not the only one who feels this way) who don’t really have a voice. But, congrats to those who have further turned off those like me, who are looking for a group of people to accept them - you have, without a doubt, further pushed them back into the sexual limbo where we just sit and wonder. But past that, we need to look at the bigger picture and realize that we are still fighting a battle against an epidemic and there are still men and women who aren’t protecting themselves. This article was an attempt to open their eyes to what’s really going on.

But there are those that realized the bigger picture and I commend them for it. It takes a lot to receive information and process it completely before you run off at the mouth and make a fool of yourself. Thank you to all who offered a comment of support and encouragement. This life we live in is already difficult and we battle everyday to succeed in it. When I made a comment about what is associated with the “gay” lifestyle, never did I say there was anything wrong with it - I simply said it was something I chose to not participate in. Maybe when we get over ourselves and stop pointing fingers at everyone who chooses to not assimilate to our own culture, we can stop hating the people who aren’t like us and love everyone for who they are and what they believe in.

  1. cspho3nix said: You just went off…I don’t think I’ve ever seen this side of you before…then again you’re an Aquarius lol but on a serious note I completely understand your point that you’re trying to make. It’s all a matter of how people choose to identify.
  2. charmursoxoff posted this